Dear Mr. President:

I know you're busy, like, navigating our country through an economic crisis and stuff, and therefore the prime time TV schedule might not be your top priority when you're planning your important addresses. That's why you should hire me as your Secretary of Television Affairs. I can keep you abreast of the TV schedule and advise you that you will not gain any approval rating points by, for example, preempting the juggernaut that is American Idol. Just send me a text, and we'll work out the details. Bowlby, out!

FYI

To the guy hitting me up for change while I was shopping at sketchy Wal-Mart today: You're not helping your case at all by calling me "baby." Mmkay?

On the menu: Herb-Roasted Pork Tenderloin

I would usually be deterred by the long list of spices in this recipe for Herb-Roasted Pork Tenderloin, but it turns out I already had all but one. (Why do I own rubbed sage?) It makes a very tasty marinade. It's probably the best pork tenderloin I've ever made.

Buy these: Baby Einstein disposable table toppers

Am I the last one to discover these? These Baby Einstein table toppers are great for going out to eat. It's basically a disposable plastic place mat that has adhesive strips so you can stick it to the table, protecting your kids from germs and protecting the table from a messy eater. I've seen the portable rubber place mats that serve the same purpose, but having to roll up a dirty place mat and put it in my diaper bag doesn't appeal (mainly because I'd probably end up forgetting about it for a few days). I found these at Babies R Us, and they cost about $8 for 18.

Um...did I miss a family announcement?????

I was looking at the Hot New Releases on Amazon, and look what was number 1! (Obviously she had to change the spelling of her last name to retain some anonymity.)

Aunt T: If you have the secret to overcoming any obstacle, achieving any goal, and accelerating success, I assume you'll share it with your favorite niece for free?

Karma restored

I know you're desperate for an update on my Karma situation, and today is your lucky day! The fine folks at Dogeared sent me a replacement for the necklace Luke broke. It arrived today, and not a moment too soon! (I spent the better part of yesterday evening cleaning up shards of glass and pepper after I somehow managed to shatter my pepper shaker on the kitchen floor.) Great customer service, eh?

On the menu

Tonight we had Easy Chicken Cordon Bleu, a good, simple weeknight dinner.

Cringe

Every season around this time I'm shocked by how bad some of these people are. How many thousands of people did they beat out to get to this point?

Michael Johns alert: My fave contestant from last season will be performing a duet with the tattooed Irish girl on tomorrow's results show. Consider me there!

On the menu

Tonight we had Barbecue Pot Pie With Mashed Potato Crust. You know, a light meal. I halved it and saved the rest of the pulled pork so we can have sandwiches later in the week.

Could Isla Fisher BE any cuter?

Steph, Leah, Jen, and I saw this move today. Funny. Very cute. A fine way to celebrate Presidents' Day!

Amazing Race: Early favorites

Pretty much any team other than these two.

Simple math

Tina Fey + Jon Hamm = genius television

If only it could last!

Warning: Rant ahead!

I was listening to a local radio station today, and they ran a PSA saying, "Due to recent events, we will no longer be playing any of Chris Brown's songs on this radio station." They continued to say that they'd be holding a domestic violence fund-raiser at the local YWCA this weekend to raise awareness. Okay, the fund-raiser is a great thing, and I obviously am not a proponent of domestic violence. I also am not a huge Chris Brown fan, but this is ridiculous. First of all, as far as I know the allegations against him are just that--allegations--and this is America, people. Remember that whole thing about innocent until proven guilty? Second, if you're going to take a stand against Chris Brown and not play his music because of his supposed moral and legal transgressions, than surely you won't play the music of any other artists who have, I don't know, had drug convictions, DUIs, or have been charged with attempted murder, to name a few. And God forbid you better not be playing any R Kelly music! And let me just say that the fact that this radio station--the very same radio station that has a "Shag It or Bag It" section on their Web site where listeners can submit their photos and others can judge their hotness--pretends to take the moral high ground on any matter is absolutely laughable.

Whew. I feel better now. Yes, I'm forwarding this to the station manager too.

BREAKING NEWS: Facebook no longer cool

All of you people who tried to bully me in to joining Facebook will surely be canceling your memberships ad nauseam when you hear this: Kathie Lee and Hoda have a daily "How to Facebook" segment on their show. Now that the two most annoying people on the planet (I shouldn't be so hard on Hoda. She might just be annoying by association.) have joined, surely people will start jumping ship en masse. And I can be smug in my decision to never join in the first place. Side note: Yes, the fact that I know about a daily segment on this show means it's time to go back to work.

Super-cute last-minute Valentines

If (and, believe me, this is a hypothetical) you just found out today that you are expected to bring Valentines for the kids in your 1-year-old's day care class, then these printable Valentines are for you! Simply order them from Stephanie Fizer's Etsy shop for $5, and she'll e-mail you the PDF file. Then you print them on cardstock, and you're done! Much better than sifting through the picked-over crap at Walgreens.

Check out Stephanie's blog too. She has the cutest stuff.

Octuplets mom on Dateline: Did you see it?

I sure wish the folks from the new Fox TV show Lie to Me could take a crack at Ann Curry's interview with octuplets mom Nadya Suleman. I've only seen two episodes of Lie to Me, but I'm pretty sure I caught Nadya telling some whoppers (like when she said she has not had her lips done. Come on!). The thing about the interview that was most disturbing to me was Nadya's complete lack of emotion. This woman gave birth a week ago to eight babies whose lives are still very much in the balance (and she has NO means of supporting them), so that must be like postpartum times a billion. Plus she's been completely vilified by the media and the public at large. But she showed ZERO emotion. The Dateline folks had a huge box of tissues at the ready, but they went untouched. Is that normal? (To be fair, she was brought to tears once, when talking about her son with autism.) I don't know. Maybe "normal" and "Nadya Suleman" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.

If my mom had a blog...part 5

She'd want you to watch this video.

My question: Why do talk-show hosts always have such old-school phones? David Letterman uses one like that too.

Why I love Ellen: Reason # too many to count

It just takes one day of being home sick to remind me of the abysmal state of daytime TV. (Seriously, has anyone seen The Doctors? Someone should revoke their medical licenses on account of their lameness.) There is but one beacon of light amid the dismal abyss, and that beacon is Ellen. I think I could be friends with John Mayer too. He always seems like such a good sport.

Watch it: Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

This was a cute movie. I love dorky, awkward Michael Cera. No, not in that way. He's young enough to be my...younger brother.

Things that keep copy editors up at night

On the cover of my local newspaper's entertainment section:

"Welcome to the 'Dollhouse': 'Duffy' creator is back with new Fox drama"

Now, I don't consider myself some kind of television expert (Who am I kidding? Of course I do.), but I'm pretty sure the show was BUFFY, not DUFFY.

Side note: Is anyone planning on watching Dollhouse? It looks like it might be good, but the fact that Fox is airing it on Friday nights implies to me that they don't have a great deal of confidence in it.